Why English Matters

Posted: Wednesday, October 28, 2009 | Posted by Jaba |

The girl I’m sorta seeing, the same one that may or may not be afflicted with a horrible genetic disease and who English is very much a second language, works at a Japanese restaurant that we eat at quite frequently. A couple of days ago, my coworkers and I stopped by for lunch and we were surprised to see her there since she usually doesn’t work the afternoon shift on Mondays. Apparently she was filling in for another waitress – a girl we also know – who has been sick for the last couple of weeks. She told us that the girl has Leukemia. We were shocked. Leukemia? That’s horrible! This poor girl has a husband in the military and a 10-year old daughter. How unfair life can be that a mother, a wife, at the prime of her life can be struck down by something as horrible as Leukemia.

We were all bummed. We spent the rest of the lunch lamenting about the poor waitress and discussing how we should all take full advantage of the fact that we still have our health. It was a sober afternoon.

Later that night, I get a text from my girl:

“Sorry, she has appendix not leukemia”

Appendicitis, Leukemia, same difference. Jeebus Freaking Cristos, how the hell do you confuse the two illnesses? They don’t even sound the same. Thank goodness she’s not working as a nurse. Can you imagine the chaos?

“You have cancer. Oh, so solly, you have hemloids not cancer.”

I’m starting to think that perhaps I should really move on to a new girl. Perhaps one that has better command of the English language. And preferably one without Down Syndrome.