American Airlines = Ghetto Bus of the Skies

I’ve flown exclusively on United Airlines for the past few years, primarily because it’s my employer's preferred airline. During this time, I’ve often bitched about the sub-par service, even in the first class cabin. Well, I shall bitch no more, now that I’ve flown what has to be one of the worst airlines in world: American Airlines.

Since I couldn’t get a flight down to Huntsville on United, I was forced to fly on American. For some reason, my travel agent was able to get a first-class seat at coach price. "Great", I thought. I may be flying to the deep South but at least I’ll be flying in style. Boy was I in for a surprise.

It turned out that my stay in Huntsville was the best part of the trip. While still too country for my taste, the folks in Huntsville were very nice and I felt quite comfortable there. I can’t say the same for my experience with those jackasses at American Airlines.

Before I continue with the rest of my rant, keep in mind that I had first class seats, i.e. seats that are usually significantly more expensive than coach seats. Not 20 bucks more expensive but hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars more expensive.

As I board the plane in San Diego, I get a lazy nod from the stewardess. No “hello”, or “good morning”, or “how are you doing today Mr. First Class Passenger”. Just a stupid nod. I take my seat and wait for the rest of the passengers to board. Usually at this point on a United flight, the stewardess will come by and ask if I’d like something to drink before taking off. Not at American Airlines.

We get airborne and I can’t wait till breakfast is served. I didn’t grab my customary pre-flight McDonald’s bacon egg McMuffin since I thought I’d be getting some good first class food. Boy was that a bad decision. As we got to cruising altitude, our ass-faced stewardess asked if we wanted breakfast: a bowl of corn flakes. Mother-fucking corn flakes. What is that, like 25 cents a bowl? Although I was hungry, I was not going to eat any fucking corn-flakes. I wanted what I usually got on United first class: an omelet filled with bacon and mushrooms. Sure it was loaded with preservatives and tasted like shit, but at least it wasn’t godam corn flakes.

After the initial corn-flake feeding and cup of coffee, the whore stewardess was nowhere to be found. If we weren’t flying at 30,000 feet, I would have sworn she left the airplane. 2 hours into the flight, I was famished and dying of thirst. NOT ONCE, did this bitch roll by to ask if we wanted wine, soda, coffee, toilet water...nothing!!! Luckily we had to transit in Dallas. I found a rib joint at the airport and went to town. I also bought some bakery products and bottled water just in case American served saw dust on the last leg to Huntsville.

As a proud American, I’m insulted that this trash airline uses the word American in its name. Its crappy service is an embarrassment to American industry. If international airlines such as Singapore Airlines, Japan Airlines, and other Asian, European, and Middle Eastern airlines were allowed to fly domestic routes, all US-based airlines would go bankrupt (oops, most already are). My boy Sanchez flies to India every few months for work. It’s a long ass flight. Lucky for him, he flies business class on Singapore Airlines. Sanchez says that even after being on the plane for 14 hours, he does not want to get off. He literally is saddened when he has to deplane. Well its no wonder why: beautiful Asian stewardesses (not the fat, bitchy grandmas working on most US airlines), good food, world-class services, comfortable seats...the list goes on and on. And this level of service is not limited to first-class and business-class travelers. Even coach travelers enjoy service that is head and shoulders above anything American or United can offer.

This is my message to the CEO’s of US airlines that are currently in Chapter 11 (or close to it): It’s not that hard to make money flying planes. To save your airlines, follow Jaba’s airline turn-around strategy:

- Don’t hire ugly, fat, bitchy whenches. When I’m in a confined space for hours at a time, the last thing I want to see or deal with is a crabby, ugly whore schlepping corn flakes. Do what international airlines do: hire attractive, friendly stewardesses.

- Teach your workers the art of customer service. This shouldn’t be that fucking hard. Ask the Ritz Carlton or one of the many fine hotel establishments to teach your staff on how to serve passengers. I get better service at the local Rubios taco stand staffed by San Diego State students than on your flights.

- First class means first class. First class passengers are your cash cows. Your profit margin on a first class passenger is exponentially higher than your coach passengers. Treat them well. Give them water once in a while. Don’t feed them corn flakes.

FUCK AMERICAN AIRLINES

www.ihateamericanairlines.com
Reviews of American Airlines on epinions.com