American Airlines = Ghetto Bus of the Skies

Posted: Thursday, May 12, 2005 | Posted by Jaba |

I’ve flown exclusively on United Airlines for the past few years, primarily because it’s my employer's preferred airline. During this time, I’ve often bitched about the sub-par service, even in the first class cabin. Well, I shall bitch no more, now that I’ve flown what has to be one of the worst airlines in world: American Airlines.

Since I couldn’t get a flight down to Huntsville on United, I was forced to fly on American. For some reason, my travel agent was able to get a first-class seat at coach price. "Great", I thought. I may be flying to the deep South but at least I’ll be flying in style. Boy was I in for a surprise.

It turned out that my stay in Huntsville was the best part of the trip. While still too country for my taste, the folks in Huntsville were very nice and I felt quite comfortable there. I can’t say the same for my experience with those jackasses at American Airlines.

Before I continue with the rest of my rant, keep in mind that I had first class seats, i.e. seats that are usually significantly more expensive than coach seats. Not 20 bucks more expensive but hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars more expensive.

As I board the plane in San Diego, I get a lazy nod from the stewardess. No “hello”, or “good morning”, or “how are you doing today Mr. First Class Passenger”. Just a stupid nod. I take my seat and wait for the rest of the passengers to board. Usually at this point on a United flight, the stewardess will come by and ask if I’d like something to drink before taking off. Not at American Airlines.

We get airborne and I can’t wait till breakfast is served. I didn’t grab my customary pre-flight McDonald’s bacon egg McMuffin since I thought I’d be getting some good first class food. Boy was that a bad decision. As we got to cruising altitude, our ass-faced stewardess asked if we wanted breakfast: a bowl of corn flakes. Mother-fucking corn flakes. What is that, like 25 cents a bowl? Although I was hungry, I was not going to eat any fucking corn-flakes. I wanted what I usually got on United first class: an omelet filled with bacon and mushrooms. Sure it was loaded with preservatives and tasted like shit, but at least it wasn’t godam corn flakes.

After the initial corn-flake feeding and cup of coffee, the whore stewardess was nowhere to be found. If we weren’t flying at 30,000 feet, I would have sworn she left the airplane. 2 hours into the flight, I was famished and dying of thirst. NOT ONCE, did this bitch roll by to ask if we wanted wine, soda, coffee, toilet water...nothing!!! Luckily we had to transit in Dallas. I found a rib joint at the airport and went to town. I also bought some bakery products and bottled water just in case American served saw dust on the last leg to Huntsville.

As a proud American, I’m insulted that this trash airline uses the word American in its name. Its crappy service is an embarrassment to American industry. If international airlines such as Singapore Airlines, Japan Airlines, and other Asian, European, and Middle Eastern airlines were allowed to fly domestic routes, all US-based airlines would go bankrupt (oops, most already are). My boy Sanchez flies to India every few months for work. It’s a long ass flight. Lucky for him, he flies business class on Singapore Airlines. Sanchez says that even after being on the plane for 14 hours, he does not want to get off. He literally is saddened when he has to deplane. Well its no wonder why: beautiful Asian stewardesses (not the fat, bitchy grandmas working on most US airlines), good food, world-class services, comfortable seats...the list goes on and on. And this level of service is not limited to first-class and business-class travelers. Even coach travelers enjoy service that is head and shoulders above anything American or United can offer.

This is my message to the CEO’s of US airlines that are currently in Chapter 11 (or close to it): It’s not that hard to make money flying planes. To save your airlines, follow Jaba’s airline turn-around strategy:

- Don’t hire ugly, fat, bitchy whenches. When I’m in a confined space for hours at a time, the last thing I want to see or deal with is a crabby, ugly whore schlepping corn flakes. Do what international airlines do: hire attractive, friendly stewardesses.

- Teach your workers the art of customer service. This shouldn’t be that fucking hard. Ask the Ritz Carlton or one of the many fine hotel establishments to teach your staff on how to serve passengers. I get better service at the local Rubios taco stand staffed by San Diego State students than on your flights.

- First class means first class. First class passengers are your cash cows. Your profit margin on a first class passenger is exponentially higher than your coach passengers. Treat them well. Give them water once in a while. Don’t feed them corn flakes.

FUCK AMERICAN AIRLINES

www.ihateamericanairlines.com
Reviews of American Airlines on epinions.com

5 comments:

  1. Unadulterated Underdog said...
  2. Amen brother. I fly American because they are usually the cheapest to where I am going (between OKC and Santa Ana, CA) but I HATE their service or lack thereof. When I was younger, I used to fly them until I had the wonderful adventure I refer to as "My Belgian Holiday." I was on Belgium, having been forced to return home from vacation early because of a family crisis. I paid extra to bump up my flight and everything. Well, I get to the gate and they insist that because of security reasons, anyone who bumps up their flight has to give the ticket counter their boarding stuff for the entire flight. I fought this for an hour but finally gave in when the plane was about to leave because they would not let me board otherwise. Ok, so I get to Chicago and try to board my connecting flight to OKC. What happens? Very business-like and unconcerned, the desk people inform me that I NEED MY BOARDING PASS. I kindly explained what happened in Belgium. The desk people calls a manager who tells me that they can't help me because American doesn't have a computer system to track your purchase, despite my having my receipts of purchase on me at that very time. End result: They would not let me go home without buying another ticket to OKC. But the adventure didn't end there.
    A few days later, said emergency being taken care of by now, I call the American office and ask for a refund since they had double charged me for my flight from Chicago to OKC. The customer service person starts yelling at me and accusing me of being a bad customer and dishonest, trying to rip the company of. I ask her to check my record. Sure enough there are two booked flights to OKC from Chicago, one used and the other not. (Also, notice she was able to check my record.) Then, she gets angry again. I go, "What now?" She said she was concerned because one charge was on my credit card and the other on my check card. And I said, "Yeah because I was on VACATION and I had maxed my credit card out trying to bump my flight up so I could come home for a FMILY EMERGENCY. She says, "Well, I can't help you because of the two cards, sorry." Hmm...
    A few days later, I call my bank and Capital One, my credit card company. Finally, after about a week of mailing investigation forms back and forth, Capital One subpoenaed the facts from AA and I FINALLY got my refund. For the following several years, I used Delta even at their higher prices because at least, they put on the semblance of caring about me and fixing my problems. Yes amigo, American Airlines screwed me good. I am sorry they got you too.

  3. Elephant Hunter said...
  4. Holy crap, that's a lot worse than my corn-flakes episode. The airlines blame high gas prices, 9/11, for all their financial problems. I think it boils down to customer service, or as you pointed out the lack thereof. Why is it that Southwest and Jet Blue can run a profitable operation even though they are discount operators? Cause they have better service than the shit on American.

  5. Bee said...
  6. Jaba, man, that was a great rant, and while I love flying, and HATE flying, for the crap service, crap air, and always some woman 3 inches in front of me farting to high heaven for the whole trip!

    I gotta blogroll you, just for that rant! So, welcome to my blogroll.

  7. Anonymous said...
  8. Your review cracked me up. YOou defineltely know how to make the reader interested. I'm sad to say that I disagree completely with your review. EVERY experience with American Airlines has been great. I mean they're not perfect, but definitely don't suck in any category. Why Southwest and Jetblue is profitable is because they only fly to so many cities, and have only a couple types of planes. American flies basically everywhere, domestically and internationally. Also American's first class is way better internationally than domestically, and your experience in first class depends on times, planes, ect. Sorry to disagree but a ghetto airline is no where near American. I hope you travel with American again because they truly are one of the BEST!!

  9. Elephant Hunter said...
  10. This last person must work at American:

    "I hope you travel with American again because they truly are one of the BEST!!"

    I'd take a trip in a mini-van filled with sweaty, obese women than fly American.