The Republican Oath

You can find the following oath (sans my color commentary) on the GOP web site:

I BELIEVE the strength of our nation lies with the individual and that each person's dignity, freedom, ability and responsibility must be honored. (Of course, with the exception of gays, minorities, non-Christians, and foreigners.)

I BELIEVE in equal rights, equal justice and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability. (I don't think they accidentally left out "sexual orientation")

I BELIEVE free enterprise and encouraging individual initiative have brought this nation opportunity, economic growth and prosperity. (And eight years of Republican rule will bring us disparity, economic stagnation and more prosperity for the already prosperous.)

I BELIEVE government must practice fiscal responsibility and allow individuals to keep more of the money they earn. (Ignore that whole record budget deficit thing.)

I BELIEVE the proper role of government is to provide for the people only those critical functions that cannot be performed by individuals or private organizations and that the best government is that which governs least. (Like invade country's that don't possess WMD's. Last I check, individuals and private organizations can't catch terrorists. How about my government providing the critical function of going after those motherfuckers, instead of spending hundreds of billions of dollars and thousands of lives to take down a common criminal.)

I BELIEVE the most effective, responsible and responsive government is government closest to the people. (So let's replace our federal government with a loose federation of city councils.)

I BELIEVE Americans must retain the principles that have made us strong while developing new and innovative ideas to meet the challenges of changing times. (Sounds like a good thing, but I think the principles they had in mind include bigotry, segregation, and militarism. Their innovative ideas include amending the Constitution to take away gay rights.)

I BELIEVE Americans value and should preserve our national strength and pride while working to extend peace, freedom and human rights throughout the world. (Peace through kicking everyone's ass. Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Ashcroft, our emissaries promoting freedom and human rights worldwide.)

FINALLY, I believe the Republican Party is the best vehicle for translating these ideals into positive and successful principles of government. (Just as ridiculous as the North Korean dictatorship calling its party the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.)