My First Encounter With The Pod

Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 | Posted by Jaba |

I first met The Pod during my sophomore year at UCLA. Rieber Hall dormitories to be exact. The Pod lived down the hall with a gay Asian guy who people referred to as Hollywood Tom. These two made quite a pair. At the time, The Pod was not unlike many other Asian computer majors from northern California. He was a short, stout fellow with booming, slept-on hair that can only be described as an Asian afro. He didn't speak much and probably would have been one of the many forgotten characters that passed through my college years, if it wasn't for the efforts of our friend Slamo. A first generation Iraqi-American, Slamo was known for his Leno-esque chin, his hyper sex drive, and most humorously, his absolute lack of an outlet for his mojo. Slamo made it a point to befriend every person he met. The fat, the ugly, the retarded - it didn't matter to Slamo. He welcomed them all with open arms. Slamo figured that the law of large numbers would eventually lead him to a willing victim of "Slamo Love".

Slamo introduced me to The Pod one cloudy day in my dorm room. My buddies, Schooles and Tree, were there as well. We were watching TV on my 19" Magnavox, too preoccupied with whatever it was that we were watching to pay much attention to The Pod. We said our obligatory "what's up" and went back to watching TV. I guess he made enough of an impression on me that after he left I commented, "what a jackass", basing the comment on nothing more than his boisterous hair.

Days, weeks passed by and The Pod inadvertently became part of our circle of friends. One afternoon, I stopped by his room to borrow his computer. As I entered his room, I was stopped in my tracks by a framed headshot of an attractive girl. I was shocked. How could a douchebag have such a hottie girlfriend? Maybe I was mistaken about The Pod. Maybe he wasn't a douchebag. Perhaps beneath his quiet, gooberish exterior lies a pimp, a playa, a mackdady. Could it be that The Pod was the idiot savant of Pimpness? I gathered myself, meekishly looked The Pod in his eyes and told him "Dude, your girlfriend is hot". He replied "Girlfriend? That's my sister asshole!". Asshole? I'm the asshole?? I'm not the one with a framed picture of my sister proudly displayed as the centerpiece of my dormroom. Undoubtedly, my initial reaction was exactly what The Pod wanted. He wanted people to think that the beauty in the picture WAS his girlfriend.

As the years passed by, the extent of this incestuous relationship is proven to be much deeper....and much, much darker.

(all names have been protect the innocent)