Where's the Tandori?

If you think finding Osama is tough, it ain't nothing compared to trying to track down my boy Tandori aka Great Wall aka The Indian. This guy doesn't respond to email, voicemail, SMS, pages, fax...nothing will get him to contact you when he is on one of his "disappearing spells". The only way we get him to call is to leave him a voicemail saying that one us has died and that we need to make funeral arrangements. Seriously. We had to actually to that once.

I met Tandori at my old job. He was gullible enough to hire me. Over the last 6 years, he has grown to be one of my closest friends. But recently, as the duration of his disappearances has extended beyond weeks to months, I'm beginning to suspect that this guy may be part of Al Queda. Here are the facts:

- Indian who was born and raised in Kenya.
- Biology major.
- Makes good living as "biotech consultant" but has an apartment by the freeway off-ramp. He has no furniture and all of his worldly possessions fit in one duffel bag.
- Once told me that there was a suspicious van parked outside his apartment.
- Paranoid of using email; thinks that people will trace his communication.
- Travels to different parts of the world as whimsically as the rest of us go to the bathroom.
- During the past 2 years, he has been in or near countries that a) have experienced a terrorist act, or b) suspected of harboring terrorist organizations.
- Tries to portray himself as a die hard capitalist but is suspiciously socialist.
- Appears to have hundreds of "cousins" and "uncles" around the world.

Sounds kinda sketchy, don't you think?

Tandori - If you're reading this, contact any of your friends so that we know you're still alive and haven't been caught by US special forces.