Republican National Convention Schedule (a bit dated but still funny)

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1: Iraq Strategies: Voodoo/DooDoo WMD

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner!

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Homos Are after Your Kids!

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The Government of the Future

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" (duet with Karen
Hughes)

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak Made Easy

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:5 0 PM Seminar #3 Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy

11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata

11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The Dangerous New Cult

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh.

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies.

11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord