Republicans suck ass jokes of the day

"There was a story about this old friend of George W. Bush's -- they would have long conversations on the telephone -- and this friend tapped these conversations. And now he's written a book. It's a horrible thing to have happened. But in these tapes, President Bush admits at one time he tried marijuana. .And if you think that's stunning there's a secret tape of Osama bin Laden and he admits to one time trying pork. ... And I know what you're thinking? How the hell did someone trick George W. Bush." --David Letterman

"Jeff Gannon ... He is a White House correspondent who has been lobbing softball questions at the president and his press secretary, turns out he is actually a paid escort for wealthy homosexuals. ... He actually had two jobs -- one obviously was sleazy and shameful and the other was a gay male prostitute. ... I think I know what Bush meant now when he said he has a mandate." --Bill Maher

"Iran said yesterday they will shoot down any of our drones. You know what our drones are? They're those planes without any pilots. We got the idea for that from Bush and the National Guard." --Bill Maher

"President George Bush is requesting an additional $82 billion -- $82 billion for war funding. Of course that would include Afghanistan, Iraq and a country to be named later." --David Letterman

"President Bush wants a further $82 billion for the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. $82 billion more he wants. If he's not careful there's going to be no money left to attack Iran or Korea." --Craig Ferguson

"North Korea has declared they have nuclear weapons, saying they need them to protect themselves from a hostile United States. President Bush said today North Korea has nothing to fear from America. He said 'Don't these people understand we only attack countries that don't have weapons of mass destruction?'" --Jay Leno