My Ass is on Fire

Posted: Saturday, February 12, 2005 | Posted by Jaba |

You know you've eaten something rigtheously shitty when the runs begin even before you're done eating the damn food. It especially sucks for a fat bastard like me since I just cant stop eating, even as the poo starts crowning from my asshole. I'll scarf down the remaining carne asada burrito from Roberto's and then dash over to my toilet where I unleash a tsunami of liquid intestine.

I'm pretty sure my stomach is going to have some issues as I get older. Every night I feel like a bushman (not Bush the President, but rather those primitive hunter-gatherers that can't speak well...hmmm) trying not to eat something that wont give me food poisoning. Living in La Jolla, CA, there really aren't too many dining options. It's either dinner at one of the hundreds of shitty "tratorias" (who the fuck pays 20 bucks for chicken breast with pesto???), or play dodge the salmonella at a C-rated taco stand, Carl's Jr, or Pollo Loco Chicken.