Bush Says Wants Ideas on Retirement Overhaul

Posted: Saturday, February 12, 2005 | Posted by Jaba |

Let's help our President come up with ideas on how to save Social Security:

1) In keeping with the spirit of faith-based government services, social security deductions will now be called Christian Elderly Salvation Withholdings.

2) New "sin tax" will be charged for every abortion.

3) Administration admits that basis of Operation Iraqi Freedom really was to get Iraqi oil to fund pet projects such as social security.

4) Collections plates will be passed around during the 7th inning stretch of all Major League Baseball games.

5) Sell California to France and use proceeds to fund social security for the next thousand years. Unintended consequence: America's GDP drops below Peru's and France becomes world superpower.

6) Repeal anti-slavery laws. All naturalized imigrants from African and Asian nations are now considered property of the state and are not entitled to social security benefits.

7) Hold an annual "Lynch a Homosexual" pay-per-view event in every red state and use proceeds to fund social security.

8) Follow Rumsfelds' doctrine of "fight with the army you've got, not the one you want" and replace every other bullet in the military with a blank round. Use savings from bullets to fund social security. Unintended benefit: few soldiers reach retirement age.

9) Increase social security benefits for everyone over 65 that makes more than $100,000 per year. Trickle down economics dictate that the elderly poor will do better.

10) Old people: don't be lazy and get a damn job!